My growing appreciation of the F-word

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I can’t believe there was a time when I was averse to saying the F-word! What was I thinking? I was so naive, so stubborn, and so blind to the power  my tongue wielded. I am the wiser now.

Oh, the F-word is forgive by the way. I guess I had you choking in shock at the thought of me becoming a foul-mouthed tyrant. You wish. Consider it April fool’s day come early.

Seriously though, this F-word, forgive, and essentially the phrase, “I forgive you” can sometimes be regarded in the same measure as an expletive given how frugally it is used. People would rather be caught dead than utter the F-word.

When did being right become such a prized asset that it trumped friendship? When did an apology, the bend-on-your –knees kind, become so esteemed that the absence of it birthed hostility, silent treatment and bitterness in its stead?

Ah wait! Of course, weakness. No-one wants to be seen as weak, no-one would like be thought of a doormat that everyone can trample on at will. “He did what?!!! Mimi siwezi fanywa hivyo na nikubali, siwezimsamehe!” Just like that, for fear of being viewed as weak, you defiantly hold your ground and persist with the silent treatment until the situation is rectified or you get an apology. And when it doesn’t come, using anger as a slab, you erect a large wall of bitterness around your heart that neither wants the offender in nor lets kindness out towards that person.

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Our perception is so skewed, we are sure we are only locking the other person out; the sad truth is we also lock ourselves in. That’s emotion for you. That’s what feelings do, overriding our judgement, clouding it, enabling us to see but a partial view of the whole picture.

It obscures the truth and permits the entry of a lie, that a person is defined by a single act of wrongdoing. That 1 lie, that 1 act of injustice, wrongdoing, intentional or unintentional, is sufficient proof that they are evil and incorrigible now and forevermore. There and then a grudge is formed.

It starts out small, but its appetite to feed off anything, true and untrue, means it will grow exponentially to obesity with your heart unable to stay afloat amidst all the weight of the bitterness. 

As a result, not only do you feel disdain towards the person or organization that hurt you, the hurt is so pronounced that it negates the love inside resulting in a heart that spews out only toxic bitterness even to those closest to you like family and friends. Unfortunately, for crimes they didn’t commit, they will still bear the brunt of your grieving heart as they hear you complain about your offender for the umpteenth time.

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This doesn’t augur well, in a world full of people who by nature are selfish and individualistic, not to mention, broken and hurt as well. It is inevitable, therefore, that you will be wronged by someone. It’s as if your heart is the titanic, setting off on its voyage amongst a sea of people to love but destined to hit an iceberg that will sink into the depths, where it will remain frozen in the cold.

There is a way out, though. Thank God that God is a way-maker. It’s called forgiveness, which is given through that F-word I was talking about. It’s a word I have become accustomed to saying whether in actual speech or in my heart. At first, it didn’t come easy or cheap but I came to despise the prison I had locked myself in. I came to realize that treasuring being right about somebody who was wrong was no treasure at all.

Instead I found it to be an overbearing tax that ate away into my gladness, joy, peace and sapped me of my strength. I couldn’t understand how bitterness towards one person could cripple other facets of my life. I didn’t realize that my bitterness could change me for the worse, that it could hamper my growth and development as a person, stifling my creativity and full expression of my inner self.

Hurt people hurt people. I know. I cringe how we transfer  negativity to others who have done nothing to cause it, if anything were actually trying to help us feel better. It reaches such a point that we drain them of their joy with our constant moaning, whining of past injustice, heartbreak that they thought it wise to distance themselves from us.

No more, I resolved. I let it go. I broke down that wall of bitterness. It didn’t mean I became a doormat or that my self-worth was diminished, it meant that I was free again, that I was my old, cheerful self again. No-longer was my mind saturated with feelings of hate, pain, ideas for revenge, my mind was at peace, empty with the capacity to see the big picture, to imagine, to innovate, to be inspired to action rather than being weighed down to inactivity by negativity.

I know what you’re thinking. “That seems well and good, but your situation isn’t half as bad as mine, you have no idea how I feel, the pain, the injustice, and the hurt”. You’re right about that, I don’t know how you feel. I know you have it worse.

Probably you’re the guy who worked diligently at an organization, giving them your time, years of diligent work only to be shown the exit door with as much as a thank you for all your years of service. Probably you could be the son or daughter who was abandoned by your father, who left you and mum to fend for yourselves as he opted for the other woman.

You could be the lady who found out that your boyfriend, fiancé was cheating on you with your best friend or sister after giving him your heart and helping him succeed in his career from the bottom.

Probably you were sodomized, probably you were raped, probably you sought help from the authorities and they blamed you for it, asking insensitive questions like, “What were you doing there at that time? What were you dressed in? How does a man get raped? Maybe your friends or family knew the offender but chose to stay mum.

You could be the guy who saw your business partner steal your idea, prototype and take it as his own after you gave him your trust. Maybe, you tried to empower a lady or gentleman by giving them a job, training them, equipping them with skills, only for them to steal from you or turn their back on you and join another organization for better pay or another household, because they felt as a house help you were offering them too little.

How do you forgive these people? Just how? They are inconsiderate, selfish, corrupt, malicious......insert any adjective with negative connotations. I know they did wrong, I know they caused pain but just forgive them. Let go.  You’re not justifying their actions by letting go, they messed up, but by letting go, you are ridding your heart of malice, bitterness.

If you’re heart was a laptop, holding a grudge is a virus, clean your machine by letting go and deleting those feelings of hatred, bitterness which may seem harmless to your computer but are in fact slowing it down, causing it to hang once in a while. Clean it by freeing it through uttering the F-word. It’s easier said than done, I know. For me, it easier done than I said because I follow Jesus example.

Jesus hates sin. Jesus hates wrong doing, Jesus hates the injustice. Surprise, we all are sinful, we all are wrong doers, and it distances us from him. This is quite the conundrum considering that Jesus loves us, you and me but hates sin. How could he get sin out of us, how could he make us clean? The way maker made a way, a way that I will never quite understand.

He decided, as much as I am God, I am all-powerful, I can move mountains and the winds with just one wave of the hand, let me go to earth as a man, a mortal man, let go of my immortality, omniscience and settle for being a man with two weak legs and hands, who bleeds so that I can show them who God looks like because they just don’t seek after God and they could never know me if I didn’t reveal myself to them.

Off he goes, to earth, not only does he share about God, life transforming teachings, he does miracles, lots of them. He feeds thousands of people, he frees people from demons, he heals people from leprosy, life-long illnesses, and he even raises others from the dead.

How does he get repaid for his kindness and self-sacrifice? He gets betrayed by one of his disciples for just 30 pieces of silver. Then, a guy who once touted himself as his bff, denies ever knowing the man three times!!! He is  flogged, stripped of his clothes, given a crown of thorns to wear on his head. A criminal who murdered guys also going by the same name of Jesus, other name Barabbas,  is set free, whereas the other Jesus, who did NOTHING wrong is sentenced to death! As he lays on the cross in excruciating pain, just about to die, while people he came to save mock him, he asks God to forgive them.(Luke 23:34)

Really Jesus, Really?!! Those guys don’t deserve forgiveness in fact they not only accepted responsibility for his crucifixion, they were ok with their children being held responsible as as well, yet you want them to be forgiven!!! That was how much he loved us, how big his heart was for us and if God can forgive like that, who am I not to? After all that surely seventy times seven seems a small no of times to forgive.

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Forgiving is hard for us without Jesus but since I accepted Jesus as my Lord and saviour, he gave me a helper to do this, his Holy Spirit. A spirit of power, love and self-discipline. It is the spirit that gives me the strength not only to overcome temptation but to forgive those who hurt me despite how big the hurt is. “ I can do everything who him who gives me strength”(Philippians 4:8) for me means, I can forgive the supposedly unforgivable, I can let go even when it makes common sense not to, I can free my heart of the pain, I can let go expecting an apology or pleas for forgiveness.

I used to think when Isaiah talked about Jesus setting the captives free(Isaiah 42:7) was that he was setting us free from enslaving sinful habits. I now realize he also releases us from captivity that we consign ourselves to, the prison of bitterness that incarcerates us when we hold on to malice, hate and bitterness. In the F-word, he has given us a key to get us out, with his help, we can forgive those who wrong us and allow our hearts to be free.

Another shot at glory

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If a cat has nine lives, Manutd fans must wonder how many lives Louis Van Gaal has? All the talk was that he was on his way out, that Mourinho was his likely successor. Tabloids ran the headline, Louis van ‘Gone’! In truth it is very much Louis van ‘still here’ probably till the end of the season at the very least. Manchester United may have won the derby on Sunday but the United boss has more to do if he is to win over critics.  To most, it beggars belief that the Dutchman is still manager of Manutd. An embarrassing group stage exit in the Champion’s league, a host of ponderous displays in the premiership such as losses to Bournemouth, Norwich, Sunderland, Stoke, Westbrom have seen fans turn on the manager. A galling defeat to Mitch..mid..micha.., argh!!! Whatever that Danish team is called, was just yet another moment when the team hit an all-time low.

For all the progress that came last season, Manutd have regressed and sometimes it has been difficult to establish whether the United under Van Gaal is better than the one under Moyes. Their performances have been nothing to wax lyrical about. Former players turned pundits such as Paul Scholes and Rio Ferdinand, have been hypercritical in their assessment of Louis Van Gaal’s charges. Criticism has come in plenty with United being labelled; boring, soporific, one-dimensional, languid, lethargic, pedestrian, unimaginative; not quite the description that Louis Van Gaal would have of his fabled ‘philosophy’.

Too often, to the onlooker, Manunited not only lack a philosophy but an identity or when they have had one, it has been with negative connotations.  The team has been floundering, fluctuating between average and extremely bad  with a vast number of players playing well below the required levels. Much of that has been attributed to the manager given his insistence to play football his way and not by the way of the crowd. Moreover, after been given the funds to spend on new players, the manager spent it alright but not in the way fans would have hoped. The fact that he let players leave such as Chicharito, Van Persie, Nani, Evans,Rafael, Fletcher citing that United had depth seems laughable given the team has been severly depleted following an injury crisis and has had to turn to a host of youngsters, not that Marcus Rashford will be complaining.

Thus, the manager is highly culpable for United’s failings this term. The players have been underwhelming, but Louis Van Gaal cannot abdicate responsibility for such a woeful season thus far. In an era where managers take the fall, Van Gaal’s sacking seemed imminent.Except, for reasons unbeknownst to us, it just hasn’t happened.

Surely, the writing was on the wall after a woeful defeat to Stoke, nope, he stayed on. Surely the defeat to Midtjylland, (I got it right this time!)a team that had not played competitive football for months prior to that infamous first leg, would send him out the exit door. Wrong again. The United hierarchy stuck to their man. Time and time again, the Dutchman has been given another chance to reverse his side’s fortunes following a miserable display. Managers like Jose Mourinho and Rafa Benitez who have not enjoyed a similar fate must be watching on in envy. “Why does he get so many reprieves?”, they wonder. So do I. So do many Manutd fans who access goal.com, after another crushing defeat, expecting to see the headline in bold; OFFICIAL: LOUIS VAN GAAL SACKED; but alas; it never happens.

LVG lives the charmed life, we think. Why don’t I get pardoned like that. Why don’t I get another chance even after I fall short again and again. Well you do. In fact, you get an even bigger dose.

We always say we’re never perfect, and we delight in our humanity for that because it’s the perfect excuse when we mess up. Imperfection however, does not excuse us all the time. Sometimes we make mistakes because of our pride; sometimes we let our guard down. Sometimes it’s ignorance, other times it's a willful desire despite knowing we are wrong. When we eventually fall short of God’s holiness or goodness, surely he should punish us. Surely he should condemn us and give us what we deserve.

How many times do you fall back to your poison? How many times do you sin knowingly, in defiance to the Holy Spirit’s pleading not to sacrifice your convictions and values? How many times do you flat out ignore what scripture has to say, or correction and counsel from a person of wisdom only to end up wishing you had taken it? Too plenty to even count.

The devil gleefully rubs it in, “ A Christian doesn’t have sex outside marriage, a Christian doesn’t get wasted, a Christian doesn’t masturbate, a Christian doesn’t pay a bribe, You’re no child of God! How often, when we are stuck in the malaise of being a slave to sin such as drunkenness, addiction, pornograghy, lust, people cast pitiful glances at you, and wonder why God hasn’t put you out of your misery. You won’t improve, you won’t change, you will always be the hypocrite who keeps backsliding. You will always never measure up. 

In human thinking, if as a church we are christ’s bride, we should have been jilted at the altar  but we haven’t been. We cheat on him, again, and again but he forgives us again and again, He gives us another chance and another and another.....like Peter said he is patient with us, not wanting anyone to perish but everyone to come to repentance.(2 Peter 3:8-9).  He forgives us way more than the 70 times seven.(Matthew 18:21-22)

How fortunate we are, how privileged we serve a God so merciful to excuse us from the punishment we deserve that is eternal death but gracious to give us eternal life we scarcely deserve through Jesus his son. As we celebrate Easter, we will remember his ultimate sacrifice on the cross. We will be reminded of how God put himself to death so as that our sins couldn’t. We will be reminded why we get so many pardons, not because we deserve it but because God paid the full penalty for our mistakes on the cross.

Like Van Gaal, you seldom have to be concerned about the chants, “You’re getting sacked in the morning”. You seldom have to worry that God will give up on you. He doesn’t, he faithfully gives you another chance, and another and if you don’t have much reason to celebrate this Easter, remember God is still in the business of giving you second chances in spite of your past mistakes because of what Jesus endured on the cross.

By all means, do feel sorry that you messed up but don't dwell on past failure that you stop living in the present. Thank God for that second, third, a thousandth shot at glory and take it.  I will never tire in saying what Nelson Mandela said, " I'm not a saint, i'm just a sinner who keeps trying." That's largely due to the fact that God keeps on giving me second chances.

Insane and loving it

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I just love auditions. Pop idol, Tusker Project Fame, you name it; they always make for such compelling viewing. Thousands throng the auditions venue only to leave in disappointment, some more destined than others. Take for example, the British guy who had a global audience in stitches with his stuttering rendition of Halleluja or the lady who made a stab at singing killing me softly in Pop idol South Africa, but ended up killing us softly with her performance. Their auditions, along with a host of others have had us sprawling on the ground with laughter. It’s a wonder how they convinced themselves to go for the auditions but the simple reason is that they had a dream, a compelling one, so did I.

I once harboured dreams of playing professional football for Manchester United. I could vividly imagine myself, donning the iconic, red and white United home strip, the no 7 on the back of my jersey with my surname, Minishi, just above it. I could imagine strutting onto the lush green grass of Old Trafford, as the 70,000 plus crowd ushered both sets of teams into the Theatre of dreams.

I saw myself haring up and down the right flank, tormenting fullback after fullback like Riyad Mahrez does every so often. I imagined embarking on a mazy run like Ryan Giggs and scoring just like he did against Arsenal, but in the dying moments of a premier league title decider. In celebration, I would wheel away in delight to the corner flag, my fingers pointed upwards in reverence to the Almighty as the stadium erupted in  delight. Scores of fans in Kenya would switch allegiance from Arsenal to Manutd on the back of that win, mesmerized by my antics, simply unable to oppose their own countryman by being United haters.

Life would have none of it though, and I ended up pursuing a degree in hospitality management at Strathmore University and even if there are late bloomers like Luca Toni, my dream has little chance of materializing. God, being a gracious God of second chances, gave me another opportunity and my football dream took a different trajectory as it has now been almost 1 year playing for Nairobi Baptist Church Bethel B in the Left foot sports amateur league, division 2. A number of lessons have been learnt along the way.

Within the confines of your living room, it’s easy to stare at your screen and blast Theo Walcott, Antonio Valencia, Raheem Sterling for not taking on defenders with their pace. “ Si they just run at them, they have speed.”I would think to myself. I have come to learn that one does not simply zoom past players with joy abandon. One does not just spontaneously acquire the energy of N’Golo Kante and race up and down the pitch with ease, it takes time and effort, a lot of effort I may add and this is how I discovered a program called Insanity.

Insanity is a work-out program by renowned fitness trainer, Shaun T. The program’s name is not there by chance, but by design, it’s insane, really insane.  A toned body, prior exercise regime count for little in this work out as I came to discover the hard way.

Insanity, like any good work-out does, starts with a warm-up. Believe me when I say there is no shame in getting exhausted at the warm up. There really isn’t. Shaun T gets you up and about in no time with jumping jacks, high knees, butt kickers, lateral hops, suicides and the warm up will have you gasping for breath as if you ran the whole distance of a marathon a few minutes earlier. Thereafter the madness begins. Paul talks of a battle between the spirit and the flesh, as you do insanity it will be an all-out war. Your heart wants to go on, to tough it out, in your mind you tell yourself, “You can do it! You got this!”. The body is of a contrary opinion, nay, he is adamant that you are a deluded and terribly misguided individual who needs to be rebuked ever so sternly.

The body has ways of talking. Very persuasive ways. Sweat will exit your body in droves as you continue burning the calories till your body will defiantly hold its ground. Your calves and thighs will groan loudly as you lower your body for yet another squat or a lunge. Your shoulders will moan as you attempt another push up. Your core will cry out as you attempt another set of mountain climbers. Eventually it will say enough is enough. In as much as jumping and doing push ups is second nature to you, your body will be struck with temporary paralysis when Shaun T urges you to do another burpee. Matter of fact, his rallying cries of ‘c’mon push! Dig deep” will fall on deaf ears look at him with a mixture of reluctance and sheer disbelief that he is still pushing you.

In time, a romance will develop between you and the floor. Call it love as first, as you are bedazzled by the floor's attractive appearance that beckons you to take a longer look, your fatigued muscles urge you to make a move and so you sit down to initiate a conversation. Shaun T won’t have you resting for ages during his work out and in a matter of seconds you will be on your feet or shoulders valiantly attempting to do that burpee set or insanely tough v-push up. Somewhere down the line, the floor will whisper sweet-nothings to you and in a desperate attempt to hear them you find yourself lying prostrate in a lasting embrace. Such comfort!!! The feeling is so mutual. Where you have been my whole life? The push ups can wait till tomorrow, this floor is the real deal!

All good things must come to an end eventually, and much to your relief Shaun T says goodbye as your stare/sit motionless at the screen in your sweat-drenched T-Shirt struggling to understand how you are still alive? That’s insanity for you. Back home, you will look at yourself in the mirror and comfort yourself that at least 'ka-six pack kanatokelezea'. You feel the back of your thighs and tell them that they are one-step closer to becoming like those of Aguero. How many steps you will need is irrelevant, focus on the positives.

The morning after next, the soreness in your muscles all over your body will render it impossible to move normally or even move at all. At this juncture you ask yourself that proverbial question; to go for training or not go for training? Being the insane person you are, you will answer yourself in the affirmative and once more torment your body to another session of Shaun T’s insanity. You do the hard work and the pain over and over expecting that this time things will be different, that this time you will give the floor the silent treatment and last the distance.

Isn’t that what insanity is? Doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result.  To the outside eye, it is downright crazy. Why persist in doing something only to result in futility and despair countless times over? Why work so hard, sacrifice so much when the dividends are so far in sight or are barely visible at all? These questions are answered deep within the heart of the insane individual with faith being the epicentre of it all.

It is faith in the existence of a loving God who loved the world so much to send his only son Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. It is faith expressed by believing that I can do nothing to save myself from my sin but the conviction that I don’t have to because Jesus did it for me through his death and resurrection. By believing and confessing this, I get his free gift of salvation that gives me a clean slate from my sins. It is a faith that believes I am then right with God and God gives me the right to become his child, all of which I could never earn by doing good works but instead it was all freely given to me because God loved me so much.

In gratitude to being forgiven and becoming a child of God, I willingly accept to give my time, abilities, talents even football in trying to show the world how big Jesus is and how my life has been made all the better with him being in it. My insanity is rooted in the foundation that faithful persistence to a divine cause, even if it will involve Shaun T in the mix, will be rewarded by a faithful God.

Insanity of this kind, stands firm in the belief that Jesus is trustworthy, Jesus is faithful, Jesus is my strength ,Jesus knows everything, Jesus is loving and wants what’s best for me. As a result, when through prayer, the bible, through the church, circumstances, Jesus tells me to do something insane with the benefits not being seen immediately; I do it believing that Jesus plan for me is good.

Insanity isn’t just doing what Shaun T says to get fit for the football season so that you can play well and bring glory to God with your talent, insanity manifests differently. Insanity is choosing to constantly hold onto to the bible, believing its truth to be absolute, permeating all spheres of life even in the face of ridicule and scorn from men and women who believe that truth changes with the times and the bible is irrelevant.

Insanity may thus mean a relentless pursuit of integrity and righteousness even if all around people are making gains through bribes, cutting deals, cheating while you mark-time because of your honorable desire.

Insanity may mean believing that God has a specific purpose for you to achieve and so you may be forced not to live the carbon copy lives of others of getting a job, getting married and dying. Insanity may mean becoming an entrepreneur and persisting in that belief even when your business keeps hitting a dead end, whilst friends get cars, houses etc.

Insanity may mean saying no to the overtures of the corporate world as your heart is not in it and you don’t want to live your life just going through the motions. Instead you desire to empower the less fortunate, the orphans, the widows, the disabled, demanding justice for those raped, being a voice for the boy-child, the girl child.  Even when the pay is minimal, you persist because you believe Jesus telling you to be an agent of empowerment and justice and that desire refuses to go away. Insanity may mean choosing a job in service like teaching, rehabilitating street children, nursing in old-people’s homes because you believe it so strongly in your heart and that you are the only one who can.

Insanity may mean constantly having to say no to your sexual desires, constantly having to refuse sex or a purely physical relationship, it may mean declining the advances of a beautiful or voluptuous lady or a handsome, well built-man, that has the cash to boot and is willing to lavish you with things you have always dreamed of, but saying no believing that they are not who God would want for you. Insanity is believing that God has someone else in mind, maybe less attractive, less wealthy but who complements you, brings out the best in you and will love you for who you are.

Like Shaun T’s workout, you will have to push, you will have to dig deep to remain insane. The pressure to conform to sanity and ignore Jesus will be immense. Thankfully Jesus is your strength, Jesus grace is sufficient for you even in your weakness; Jesus is always with you promising never to leave you. You can thus remain insane and love it because as a child of God, friend to Jesus, he is able to finish the good work in you. He is able to provide even when you don’t see where provision will come from. He is able to pick you up along with the pieces of your heart , get you up from that floor exhausted and have you pushing again. In the end, your insanity will not prove futile and you will complete the good race like Paul said, even after stumbling many times because your faithful insanity is in an even more faithful God.

Thanks for the memories

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Say not in grief, he is no more, but live in thankfulness that he was. That Hebrew proverb aptly describes my week, as only a few days ago I was compelled to bid adieu to a friend by the name of Benjamin Kamau Muya.

As much as death is inevitable, as much as we all will face it sooner or later, it is always so difficult to come to terms with the loss of a loved one let alone accept the finality of it. I suppose that in the face of the grim reality that you will never see your loved one again alive, your primary comfort is that at least you were fortunate to have known your beloved for the time you did and thankful for the cherished moments you shared together.

In the realization that life is brief, the death of a love one can spark a change . It can compel someone to nostalgically reflect on the life of the deceased so as to establish a character trait or a quality that you admired about him/ her and to honor their memory by purposing to live that desirable quality. As I pen this article, Benja gave me not only plenty to ponder about but plenty to live out.

They say good people give you happiness, bad people give you an experience, the worst people give you a lesson and the best people give you memories. I beg to differ. Benja being a good person gave me memories, but he also gave me good lessons, fundamental lessons that not only will I share but will apply as well.

Benja taught me that you are not your feelings. To be more precise, he taught me that you are not your pain. How often will you see people feel hurt and be hurt, feel unloved and be unloved, feel alone and be alone? Benja was the stark opposite; he felt pain but was vibrant, joyful, vivacious. Pain didn’t rob him of his zest for life, neither did affliction cripple him, nor suffering muzzle him, 

It was not that he pretended and wore a mask to hide it but that he fought back his pain. Not with lamenting or constant griping or whining at his misfortune, but instead he fought back by living.

I mean really living. To put this into perspective, at a time when we are only starting our lives fresh out of high school, enjoying that transitory period between form four and university, Benja was instead being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the tender age of 18. When our dreams of flourishing careers are starting to take shape, Benja’s dream of being a pilot was stopped dead in its tracks.

His prolonged struggle with blood sugar led to renal failure compelling him to undergo the extremely draining process of dialysis twice in a week. At such a young age, with mounting problems of that magnitude, the inclination would be towards drugs, alcohol, to languish in depression and wallow in self pity but not Benja!!!

Benja was fiercely resilient. The big setback didn’t immobilize him, he moved on. He would establish, BEN’s WADROBE, his own business specializing in executive men’s wear. He would be an active member of the Nairobi Baptist Church Young Adults fellowship, wowing all and sundry with his resilience to his adversity but most of all, with his passion for life.

I didn’t know Benja much. The most interactions I had with him were through our WhatsApp group for the Young Adults fellowship with Ben being the admin. They only told half the story but it was a half that was consummated by Benja’s illness and made all the more significant.

It was rare for a day to go by without Benja posting a funny meme, picture or video, or a word of encouragement. Benja was a living embodiment of youth, a man of vitality, a man who loved fun, a man who laughed a lot, all this despite living with constant pain from his kidney problems and diabetes. His posts were not indicative of a man struggling with pain but of a man determined to live joyfully in spite of the pain. Benja did not left his circumstances dictate his happiness, he chose to make the best of what he had and was happy as a result.

Most of all, Benja loved people, he was there for them. It is with loads of admiration I narrate a story about how Benja insisted on driving a dear friend to his wedding in spite of Benja being terribly sick that day. Benja wouldn’t be bogged down by sickness to be there for a friend on his special day!!! What affection, what a show of selfless love and sacrifice, it is so hard to find friends like Benja and we can only be thankful that we were blessed with him!

It is indeed sad that Benja had to depart so soon, leaving us with those cherished memories and teaching us lessons on how to live vibrantly even in the face of pain and suffering. On the flipside, I am also happy for him, for in recent times, Benja was looking for God. Friends and pastors cite how he desired to know God more and it is no coincidence that one of  his last messages on the WhatsApp  group was a picture of John 3:16 spelling the word Valentine.

I can only conclude that Jesus was his comfort and his strength in the pain. Jesus gave him hope to keep on fighting; Jesus gave him an overwhelming love that gushed out from Benja’s heart as he loved other people in return with his kindness and genuine concern for them. That he finally meets God who loved him abundantly is the reason I am happy for Benja in his death.

RIP Benja, thanks for the memories and enjoy your time with Jesus till we meet again.

Anyone's for the taking

 

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And this year’s Ballon d’or goes to....., Lionel Messi. Hats off to the phenomenal Argentine once again, but was there really any doubt? After a stellar season with Barcelona, raking in his usual high tally of goals while propelling Barcelona to la Liga and Champion’s league triumphs, Messi’s fifth ballon d’or was long overdue. Once again, Cristiano Ronaldo had to settle for second place in what has become an annual duopoly.

Messi and Ronaldo have been at it for years, and their stranglehold on football’s greatest individual accolade shows no signs of letting up soon even if Neymar tries to suggest otherwise.  Angel Di Maria once joked that they should be 2 Ballon d’ors, one for Messi and Ronaldo to fight over and the other for the rest of the world. Such is the inevitability of either bagging it.

When Cristiano Ronaldo bagged the award in 2013, it was to Frank Ribery’s consternation. It was expected that Ribery would scoop the prize as his exploits steered Bayern to a famous treble that year. Instead, Ronaldo’s goals carried the day, in particular his hat-trick against Sweden in a decisive world-cup play-off.  The Frenchman now holds the view that the award has lost its lustre, being decided on the basis of politics rather than player performances.  Manuel Neuer missing out on the award in 2014 only seemed to embolden his stance with club compatriot Philip Lahm also voicing his discontent by claiming that the Ballon d’or was just an award for strikers.

It can be exasperating when a prestigious honour appears to be reserved for a select few. It doesn’t drive footballers to raise their game but rather drives them to despair as they feel they will never have a shot no matter how well they play over the course of a season.

The polar opposite is taking place in England as the battle for the Premier league heats up. Seasons prior, the title was mainly between Manutd and Arsenal, then it became between Manutd and Chelsea, this season the race has been blown wide open. It’s been a game of musical chairs as Arsenal, Mancity and incredulously, Leicester City have swapped top-spot, with the current leaders Leicester threatening to topple the natural order of things.

Their fairy-tale run doesn’t looking like bursting its bubble anytime soon, as the probability of Leicester City being crowned champions grows larger by the day. At exactly the same period last year, Leicester were staring relegation in the face, now they are dreaming of a league title. They have won over neutrals with their attacking brand of football, and dismissed the long held belief that the league is only for a few teams.

 To say, it has been exciting is an underestimate, any of the Leicester, Mancity and arsenal trio are in with a shout. Any!!! You could dare add Tottenham to the mix. It’s been breath-taking to watch and has been a far-cry from the despair of Philip Lahm and Ribery regarding the Ballon d’or. That the much vaunted prize in English football is anyone’s for the taking has taken everyone by surprise. Leagues around Europe don’t see this competition and are used to the one-horse race of Bayern in Germany, PSG in France, Juventus in Italy even if Napoli are going strong. It just doesn’t happen that often, so it must come as a surprise when an even bigger prize is anyone’s for the taking.

It isn’t what we are accustomed to. We’re used to a glorious honour being for a few but what if the script was flipped? What if the ultimate prize was within touching distance for everybody? What if, unlike Lahm’s objections, different types of people could win it, not just strikers or high profile people! What if that prize wasn’t earned on merit but given by Grace!!! Illogical, It doesn’t make sense but that is God’s way being higher than our ways, when he made the gift of salvation anyone’s for the taking.

Our best efforts were never going to be enough. Our good works alone were always light years away from his perfect holiness. Our sins just distanced ourselves from him (Isaiah 59:2). Knowing that like Ribery and Lahm we would often ask “Why bother?”, he gave us a free pass. He gave us the ultimate prize in Jesus his son, through whom the penalty for our sins was paid in full and not only that but we acquired the the right to become children of God.(John 1:12-13)

A child of God is as big as they come if not the biggest!!! Drawing our identity from God, embracing his love and peace and what do we have to do to get it, just believe in him!!! Only believe and as Leicester are showing us, anyone can believe. The drug addict can believe, the alcoholic man can believe, the promiscuous lady can believe. They and so many more can believe that God loved the world so much that he sent his one and only son to die so that anyone who puts his trust and faith in the son may be saved and have eternal life.(John 3:16)

It really is anyone’s for the taking. Like Leicester’s charge to the EPL, knows not of a past of relegation, so too do we, we don’t have to be burdened by our dark past. Jesus welcomes you with your chequered history and showers you with love and a new identity in him that can enable you to soar to heights you never dreamed possible. That’s the power of his gift of salvation and the best part is, it’s anyone’s for the taking.

You're a big deal

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Years back, there was no Instagram , WhatsApp, Candy crush, Professor Bamba, Netflix or even our lovable 50 bob DVD guy. Kids of today might wonder how we survived back then. Well we did, back then we played marbles, kati, and rounder amongst others.  We had fun and we watched whatever KBC had to offer in terms of entertainment. Being kids we loved cartoons and I know I don’t stand alone when I say I lived to watch  Double Dragon, Samurai Pizza Cats, Beast Wars Transformers and off course, Aladdin.

Aladdin was an all-time favourite for many. Who can forget Aladdin, Jasmine, Abu, Carpet and the affable Genie with his funny impressions?!!  Genie may have been a star character in the series and the movie but he was a universal character because of the genie in a lamp/bottle story with the accompanying 3 wishes. I would often imagine what I would say if given the chance to make those 3 wishes. Back then, my first wish would be to have all the hotdogs, kebabs and chips in the world!!! Corny.., I know !!! I was a kid with big dreams and an even bigger appetite!!! How I’m still slim till today, with a love for food spanning decades, is anyone’s guess.

My second wish would be for millions of footballs to play with my friends because I just loved football and still do to today even despite my beloved Manutd’s best efforts to put the manufacturers of sleeping pills out of business.

My third and final wish would be to have more wishes!!!  Duh!!!I must say the first two, were original, the third was after hearing that answer over and over again from many others who said it so that they would never have to live with the regret of having wasted their wishes.

Over-time those wishes have changed and I’m certain that nobody shares my previous childhood desires. I am certain that if there were such a thing as a genie today and millions of people were to rub his lamp and ask for three wishes, each time, despite the multitude of responses, the genie would identify a underlying need in those wishes; the need to feel important.

Is there really a desire bigger than that? To feel valued, of worth, appreciated and big in people’s eyes. Look around and you will see it constantly, people frantically searching for validation from others, longing to be affirmed. It’s a longing which never seems to be filled, or maybe it’s because we strive to fill that need with an assortment of things that we deem as ideal measures of our self-worth.

As we live in a society with an ever-growing inclination to relative truth, it comes as no surprise that we have relativized the measure of a person’s worth. The definitive measure of one’s worth varies greatly with no clear-cut marker in place. Money seems to take the first place in defining the value of a person. Have it in plenty and you’re a VIP, have it in moderation and you’re treated just like everybody else, an ordinary person. Don’t have it all and you’re less of a human being to some.

Others derive their importance from the clothes they wear. Only designer labels will make the cut or something straight outta NFM or FAFA. Wear anything less and they feel they will be treated as a ‘has been’ or worse, ‘a never will be’!

A common school of thought is to define our value in terms of the things we have. Thus, you feel important when you have a top of the range vehicle, a mansion, the latest phone and you feel less important when you lack either of these things or posses these items but in lesser value or size.

Looks also play a part in shaping one’s worth to some. Some people will go at any length to achieve the perfect look ranging from a radical diet plan, a rigorous exercise regime, a botox injection or a visit to the plastic surgeon. The slightest blemish will have them worried. They obsess over their looks and only feel affirmed when complimented.

The other significant measure of our identity and worth is in our behaviour or mannerisms. It may sound outlandish but some people feel important because of the foods they eat, with some taking exception to eating certain foods as they feel those foods are beneath them. They are those who drink choice drinks to show their sophistication and sneer at other beverages as they consider them appropriate for a lesser class of people and not them.

Others feel of value when they are seen with the who’s who, they feel important when they’re going to events or travelling the world. They have taken to social media to document their experiences and solicit likes in a bid to feel validated. While others who don’t have their lives as eventful as theirs look on from a distance in envy and wallow in a sort of quarter-life crisis. Then in a bid to feel relevant or cool, they will try to out-do or at the very least match their ‘vibrant’ friends.

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How we long to be appreciated, to be loved and accepted and we put out all the stops to achieve it.  Not everyone is looking for validation though these ways as they are some who do these things not to be affirmed but because they simply can. Life, education, career, family have enabled them to attain such a status. It maybe also after years of hard work and holding on to their dreams they are receiving their just dues. For a vast majority though, they live a lie because they do these things to feel a sense of worth, not to be left behind by others and at times coming at the cost of hiding their true selves. It’s like living life as a teen yearning for acceptance and doing anything to fit in because of the perceived pressure from the successful elite, whose lives they are dream to emulate.  The song, High school never ends, by Bowling for Soup, perfectly exemplifies it , with the lyrics to the chorus being;

The whole damn world is just as obsessed

With who’s the best dressed and who’s having sex

Who’s got the money, who gets the honeys

Who’s kinda cute and who’s just a mess

And you still don’t have the right look

And you don’t have the right friends

Nothing changes but the faces, the

names, and the trends

High school never ends

GASP!!! What is such a song doing on such a blog!!! Well, I’ll tell you. I l used to adore Rock music even as a Christian. It took me some time before I realized that I had to refrain from listening to some of it. However, not before I drew lessons from the content in that music, especially from this song.

At the time, I related with the song’s lyrics like most of you have. Indeed it was frustrating for some that the never ending high school norms dragged on to adulthood. It is sad that people draw their identity from others who don’t know the real them but are only acquainted with the mask paraded before them. It’s an unevenly balanced scale where you have to work super hard to keep up the pretence that can come crashing down, along with your self-worth at the slightest moment.

Living life this way can be quite exasperating. Having to do these things for identity, love and acceptance can take its toll. It’s futile trying to please everybody because you just can’t and quite frankly you never will. It’s  even more tiresome living to people’s expectations , always needing to put your best foot forward and hide your flaws and issues within, when deep down you long for people to accept you just the way you are.

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Well, here’s the good part, there is someone who actually knows you inside out to the very hairs of your head and the things you do when nobody’s watching. He knows your addictions, your flaws, your imperfections and still sees you as precious.

That person is Jesus and in his word, he makes it plainly evident how  valuable we are to him. It is seen from day 1, whereas he spoke other things to being, man was hand-made and life was breathed into him!!!(Genesis 2:7)

Our worth to him starts from the get-go, he already knows us before birth as Jeremiah 1:5 reads,  “Before I formed you in the womb, I knew you, before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” Our issues of looking for affirmation mostly start from a lack of identity and here is God saying he knows our lives from conception to death even before we were actually born!!!

This in-depth knowledge of us includes knowing our flaws, the ones we desperately try to hide because we fear will be isolated if people find out. Ordinarily, when we mess up big time, people want nothing to do with us but not Jesus. He still chased after us. He still came running for us even when we were pushing him away.

Value in something or someone can be seen either when someone is willing to undergo sacrifice, to bear humiliation, to endure pain or even death  for that person or thing, that Jesus underwent all 4 underlines just how  important we are to him regardless of whether we are poor, rich, beautiful, average-looking, disabled, messed up et.c. That he sacrificed his Godly sovereignty to become a mere man and relate with us at our level shows just how he valued us. That he was able to endure lashes on his body till he became disfigured, or wear a crown of thorns and then die nailed to a cross naked for us is a larger than life affirmation that he cherishes us and see us as dear to him.

It shows us we’re a big deal to him. I can never understand why he loves us so but with a child-like faith, I believe it to be true. We often tell people we love, “You mean the world to me.” To Jesus, the world, you and me, really meant the world to him and he put aside his life for the world.

Quite often, it’s easy to feel worthless. It’s prevalent to feel cast aside, belittled and feel that we just don’t measure up. When you have the media constantly shoving in your face what you lack to become richer, more beautiful, fun, you drift to feeling inadequate. When people chide you for not reaching their expectations or those of the society, you can feel small. In Jesus’ eyes you are a big deal. You are so precious to him that he sacrificed his life to enable you to gain your identity as his child, his friend or his brother, sister if you accept his gift of salvation and follow him.

Romans 8:34-38 tell us that nothing can separate us from his love. Not the guy you killed when you were driving under the influence of alcohol, nor the porn you watched for the umpteenth time, nor the HELB loan you squandered on a night out, nor that regrettable one night stand,nor that research project that was plagiarized. Nothing. Nothing because on that cross, through his death, he paid the full penalty for your mistakes and cancelled all those flaws to make you flawless if you believed in him.

In Luke 15, the prodigal son thought himself as a nobody when he returned back to his father. He thought he was unworthy to be his son but his father welcomed him back, ‘my son’ and gave him the best robe and held a feast for the VVIP because he had returned. You may come back to him, tail in your legs, a dark past, a sullied reputation but he welcomes you back like the VVIP you are, you’re a big deal to him.

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