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| Image Credit: knowyourmeme.com |
Not too long ago I nearly raised a scene at the office. I had just come from having my customary chapati and beans at one of the kibandas I frequented during lunch break. I was all set for the closing hours of my shift, all set except for my tummy.
My tummy was by no means ready. He was clearly rattled by something. Being the sentimental tummy he was, he had caught feelings and he wasn't one to hold back. The undertones of his discomfort were threatening to unravel in the most spectacular of farts, and I couldn't for the life of me understand why.
Well, Ok, maybe I could. Perhaps it was because I wolfed down the chapo and beans as if the world would end that day. That's the likeliest of causes because I doubt it was the kibanda, but maybe, just maybe the cooks at the Kibanda had messed up big time. My hypothesis was interrupted by yet another churning of my stomach and I became rather concerned. As much as I was keen on unearthing an answer, I was definitely not keen on unearthing my discomfort to the whole office in the form of a fart.
I remember the numerous times I contorted my body, squirming on my seat, suppressing that fart so that it remained ndani, ndani, ndaaani kabisa. Why had my stomach decided to be a mtiaji all of a sudden? He groaned and grumbled so much that all I could do was fervently pray that the churning wouldn't sound that loud. I didn't want it to blare out like a machine gun or worse, come out like a whoopy cushion. Compounding matters was the fact that a pin-drop silence had engulfed the office as my colleagues busied themselves with whatever jobs they had been assigned. In this silence, any small noise would be discernible. Thankfully, the printer was in use, and any stomach churning that was above the normal decibel level was drowned by the noise of the printer.
When the shift finally ended, and I was a safe distance away from the office complex or my colleagues for that matter; I let hell loose and supplied the environment with a generous amount of C02 gas. I must add that I did this continuously to nobody's discomfort.
I'm guessing you're wondering what weed this guy is smoking to narrate this rather unpleasant ordeal. Believe me, there is a point to all this. Matter of fact, after reflecting upon my harrowing experience trying to conserve the quality of air then inevitably having to pollute the air, I reached to the conclusion that farting is acutely similar to confession.
Think about it, confessing sin is very much like farting. It's unpleasant when you do it in front of a group of people or even just one person. No-one wants to do it. After all, who wants to be remembered as 'that guy who farted in the office.' When you fart there will be no one to defend you saying, "My lords, I refute the disparaging remarks made by these miscreants alleging that my client emitted a pungent odor. Their predilection to besmirch the person of my friend is a wanton show of cruelty.Their allegations ought to be treated as conjectures of the egregious kind that should have remained confined to the periphery of their subconscious minds."
Si, ningekuwa supreme court ama namna gani? Anyway, no-one in his/her right mind will want to fart in a crowd just the same way no-one wants to confess. Therefore, we will go to all lengths to suppress the fart no matter the levels of discomfort, desperately keeping it under wraps for fear of embarrassment and shame. We desperately 'kaza' our sins as if our lives depended on it and pray that no-one notices the churning of our lifestyle that threatens to expose our sin.
The funny thing is that we conceal what everyone has done and will continue to do. Everyone farts. I mean everyone. Your parents, your colleagues, your boss, your crush. Everyone. Everyone sins too. From your worship leader to the elder, the pastor. Everyone has sinned, sins and will sin. No-one is infallible.Why then should we be ashamed to speak about what everyone else does? For fear of our reputation? A sinless reputation, which we don't have? We suppress our sins to cover up for an inexistent sinless reputation?? That doesn't make any sense.
When I finally let loose, I felt the relief. I felt my stomach take a chill pill and rest easy. So it is with sin. Confess it and find relief. Note, that I didn't say I let it loose in the office but away from it, at a convenient place. The convenient place for disclosing sin is prayer. Sin should be confessed to God not concealed. David in Psalms 32:3-4 said, "While I kept silent, my bones wasted away through my groaning all day long. For day and night your hand was heavy upon me; my strength was sapped as in the heat of the summer." Selah
Suppressing sin tends to have that effect. Your bones waste away. Guilt eats at your conscience. Peace of mind is but a distant dream. In its stead, is anxiety, fear, a heavy heart burdened by past mistakes.
The tonic to suppression is described in verse 5 of Psalms 32, "Then I acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity. I said, " I will confess my transgressions to the LORD"- and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
1 John 1:9 provides further compelling evidence as it reads, "If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness."
Jesus didn't save us just so that we could be blessed materially and get a pass to heaven. He saved us so that we could have a relationship with him. An intimate relationship with him where we commune with him and share with him our thoughts and sentiments and he shares his thoughts with us. When we sin and suppress it, that intimacy is severed, to gain it back requires we confess our sin. He isn't waiting with a baton to beat the life of us when were done. He longs to restore us, to pardon us and to purify us from all unrighteousness so that we can relate with him freely once more.
Confession doesn't discredit our salvation, it authenticates it by revealing we sin and struggle with it and we require God's grace to help us overcome it. Whereas on the the other hand, keeping silent about it, or denying we sin discredits God as 1 John 1:10 says, " if we claim we have not sinned, we are calling God a liar and showing that his word has no place in our hearts."
Numerous times I've confessed that I've sinned.
I've confessed that I've harbored bitterness and been resentful of other people.
I've confessed that I've been slothful and sometimes over-desire rest, comfort and the preservation of my daily, individualistic routine at the expense of giving myself away for service in the church or service to the community.
I've confessed to being hesitant to use my spiritual gifts, hesitant to take up more responsibilities in church when I've felt God calling me to do so.
I've confessed to being too passive, indecisive and lethargic when I should have acted or spoken.
I've confessed to being cynical of other christians' growth and resenting that they are Christians chini ya maji and by so doing allowing sinful pride to dominate my heart.
I've confessed I've been angry at people instead of being angry at the injustices of the world or angry that people are rushing towards an eternity without God.
I've confessed that I've lustfully looked at the thighs and cleavages of many a woman.
I've confessed that I've dishonored God with my thoughts by fantasizing of women in revealing clothing or worse, that I've fantasized of masochism.
I've confessed to being guilty of misogyny and being prejudiced against women because of their nuances and double standards sometimes.
The above list makes for uncomfortable reading, doesn't it? Why the airing of dirty linen? Stinky linen you might add? It's exactly why I say confessing is a fart, something about opening up about one's sins in front of others is akin to a 'verbal' stink. It isn't pleasant, believe me I know but I have my reasons for doing so.
I've done so not because I believe God's grace gives me the right to do as I please. No it doesn't, Sin offends God and I feel gutted when I've grieved him once again. I've also confessed not because I yearned to be perfect or I that I was keeping a scorecard of my rights and wrongs but I've done it so that God could restore the close fellowship between me and him as David inferred in Psalms 51: 10-11 when he said, "Create in me a pure heart, O God, and renew a steadfast spirit within me. Do not cast me from your presence or take your Holy Spirit from me."
It hasn't just been confessing to God but to others as well. James 5: 16 is my go to verse in this regard. It reads, " Therefore confess your sins to each other, pray for each other so that you may be healed." This is where the need for an accountability partner or a small group comes in. There is a need to confide in someone as unpleasant as it sounds. Sure, you fear what others may perceive you but I guess Romans 14:4 is a good verse to remember, "Who are you to judge someone else's servant. To his own master he stands or falls. And he will stand, for the Lord is able to make him stand.
Confessing to accountability partners or my small group has brought me relief. As Proverbs 28:13 reminds us, "He who conceals his sins does not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy. " Confessing to others has given me peace of mind and enabled me to re-continue my walk with God. Like Paul, I strive always to keep my conscience clear before God and man.(Acts 24:16). A clear conscience as a result of confessed sin trumps a divided conscience because of unconfessed sin, the latter damaging my intimacy with God.
Suppressing sin like a fart, and hiding it, in the end does far more damage than good. The prodigal went back to his father, tail in his legs, because of sin and he was welcomed back with open arms. Moreover, he was restored. The same treatment awaits those who are humble enough to confess their sin before God.
Therefore, I urge you, don't suppress your sin like a fart, let it out to God, let it out to an accountability partner, let it out to your small group and you will find relief.
