Thanks for the memories

Photo credit: Flickr.com

Say not in grief, he is no more, but live in thankfulness that he was. That Hebrew proverb aptly describes my week, as only a few days ago I was compelled to bid adieu to a friend by the name of Benjamin Kamau Muya.

As much as death is inevitable, as much as we all will face it sooner or later, it is always so difficult to come to terms with the loss of a loved one let alone accept the finality of it. I suppose that in the face of the grim reality that you will never see your loved one again alive, your primary comfort is that at least you were fortunate to have known your beloved for the time you did and thankful for the cherished moments you shared together.

In the realization that life is brief, the death of a love one can spark a change . It can compel someone to nostalgically reflect on the life of the deceased so as to establish a character trait or a quality that you admired about him/ her and to honor their memory by purposing to live that desirable quality. As I pen this article, Benja gave me not only plenty to ponder about but plenty to live out.

They say good people give you happiness, bad people give you an experience, the worst people give you a lesson and the best people give you memories. I beg to differ. Benja being a good person gave me memories, but he also gave me good lessons, fundamental lessons that not only will I share but will apply as well.

Benja taught me that you are not your feelings. To be more precise, he taught me that you are not your pain. How often will you see people feel hurt and be hurt, feel unloved and be unloved, feel alone and be alone? Benja was the stark opposite; he felt pain but was vibrant, joyful, vivacious. Pain didn’t rob him of his zest for life, neither did affliction cripple him, nor suffering muzzle him, 

It was not that he pretended and wore a mask to hide it but that he fought back his pain. Not with lamenting or constant griping or whining at his misfortune, but instead he fought back by living.

I mean really living. To put this into perspective, at a time when we are only starting our lives fresh out of high school, enjoying that transitory period between form four and university, Benja was instead being diagnosed with type 1 diabetes at the tender age of 18. When our dreams of flourishing careers are starting to take shape, Benja’s dream of being a pilot was stopped dead in its tracks.

His prolonged struggle with blood sugar led to renal failure compelling him to undergo the extremely draining process of dialysis twice in a week. At such a young age, with mounting problems of that magnitude, the inclination would be towards drugs, alcohol, to languish in depression and wallow in self pity but not Benja!!!

Benja was fiercely resilient. The big setback didn’t immobilize him, he moved on. He would establish, BEN’s WADROBE, his own business specializing in executive men’s wear. He would be an active member of the Nairobi Baptist Church Young Adults fellowship, wowing all and sundry with his resilience to his adversity but most of all, with his passion for life.

I didn’t know Benja much. The most interactions I had with him were through our WhatsApp group for the Young Adults fellowship with Ben being the admin. They only told half the story but it was a half that was consummated by Benja’s illness and made all the more significant.

It was rare for a day to go by without Benja posting a funny meme, picture or video, or a word of encouragement. Benja was a living embodiment of youth, a man of vitality, a man who loved fun, a man who laughed a lot, all this despite living with constant pain from his kidney problems and diabetes. His posts were not indicative of a man struggling with pain but of a man determined to live joyfully in spite of the pain. Benja did not left his circumstances dictate his happiness, he chose to make the best of what he had and was happy as a result.

Most of all, Benja loved people, he was there for them. It is with loads of admiration I narrate a story about how Benja insisted on driving a dear friend to his wedding in spite of Benja being terribly sick that day. Benja wouldn’t be bogged down by sickness to be there for a friend on his special day!!! What affection, what a show of selfless love and sacrifice, it is so hard to find friends like Benja and we can only be thankful that we were blessed with him!

It is indeed sad that Benja had to depart so soon, leaving us with those cherished memories and teaching us lessons on how to live vibrantly even in the face of pain and suffering. On the flipside, I am also happy for him, for in recent times, Benja was looking for God. Friends and pastors cite how he desired to know God more and it is no coincidence that one of  his last messages on the WhatsApp  group was a picture of John 3:16 spelling the word Valentine.

I can only conclude that Jesus was his comfort and his strength in the pain. Jesus gave him hope to keep on fighting; Jesus gave him an overwhelming love that gushed out from Benja’s heart as he loved other people in return with his kindness and genuine concern for them. That he finally meets God who loved him abundantly is the reason I am happy for Benja in his death.

RIP Benja, thanks for the memories and enjoy your time with Jesus till we meet again.