From Bro-kenness to Bro-mance

Ever wonder what went through Jacob's mind as he prepared for a grand-stand showdown with his long-lost big brother?  I certainly do. After cheating his brother of his birthright and his father's blessing, it's fair to say Esau and Jacob weren't on the friendliest of terms. Matter of fact, Jacob had to flee for dear life lest his brother grant him a swift, first class trip to the after-life. Years had gone by since that fateful occurrence and now the stage was set for a dramatic family reunion.

Genesis 32 gives you the impression that Jacob was a nervous wreck. Why wouldn't he be? He'd just received word that his brother was coming to meet him with an entourage of 400 men! That was surely reason for concern. This must have set the alarm bells ringing in Jacob's head.

"Itakuwa ngori, bila yesu ni mwisho wa stori." I know Kelele Takatifu hadn't been born by then, neither had their parents been, nor their parents' parents before that. Obviously neither was their hit ngori even a concept at the time but surely at the back of Jacob's mind, as he wrestled with the uncertainty of being reacquainted with his brother,  he must have been firmly convinced of the Hebrew equivalent of, "round this bila yesu ni mwisho wa stori."

His elaborate contingency plans revealed a man who was very much under siege. His fervent prayer to God asking for deliverance leaves us in no doubt over the state he was in. Fear had gripped him, anxiety had consumed him and stress was certainly giving him the run-around. He was convinced that his relationship with his brother was broken to the point of no-return. He was certain his brother was back to settle a score. Contrary to his expectations though, it didn't quite turn out as he had earlier feared.

Esau did not launch a brutal attack on his brother nor on his family. He and his 400 men did not go for the jugular as was expected. Esau ran towards Jacob alright, but not to initiate an attack on his brother. No, he ran out to give his brother some proper TLC. He ran and threw his arms around his neck and kissed him. (Genesis 33:4)

Wait...what? He did what?  He kissed him? Esau? The macho-son of Isaac and Rebekah who hunted and caught game like a boss? The guy who was No-shave November for practically the whole year? The very same man who had said, "The days of mourning for my father are near; then I will kill my brother Jacob."(Genesis 27:41)

Yup, that man. The one and only. Esau himself. One would have expected Esau to brandish a sword, a spear, an axe or something to lash at Jacob with. One would have expected  Esau to be 'courteous' to his dear baby brother by thrusting a weapon into his abdomen. Surely, Esau would have launched a barrage of foul-mouthed expletives, before describing in detail his sinister plan to execute Jacob as super-villains in movies do in typical drama-king fashion. One would have imagined wounds run deep and Esau would serve his 'chef' brother, a panache of revenge with an accompaniment of  slow pain, seasoned with drama on an icy-cold dish. Except he didn't. None of the above was forthcoming.

Which begs the question, what transpired between Jacob's deception and Genesis 33 that transforms Esau from a man intent on killing his brother to a man intent on kissing his brother? What transformation occurred in Esau's heart that saw pardoning love overcome vengeful hate?

It's a question whose answer would be especially useful to us given the post-election hostilities witnessed in Kawangware and other parts of the country. It's an answer that would go far in settling long-held tribal conflicts, family feuds, beefs between former friends and church members.

The two brothers illustrated to a fault, "Kiss and makeup." One has to wonder, is their reconciliation beyond the warring tribal hostilities in Kenya? Are our wounds so deep, that once every 5 years, we have to resign ourselves to the fact that our pent-up hostilities will blow up in our faces? Is the Esau-Jacob reconciliation beyond the reach of former friends, former business partners, former work colleagues?

What I find interesting in Jacob and Esau's reconciliation is that neither made references to the historical injustice of the father blessing. Neither of them reminded the other of the past? Certainly not Esau. In as much as Jacob may have alluded to it with his bowing seven times, his generous gift, he didn't quite go on record saying, "Bro, I messed up years back, please forgive me." Neither did Esau go on the record demanding an apology and a compensation for the stolen birthright and father blessing.

Esau, I guess, chose to let go. He chose to let go of his bitterness, to let go of his rage, to let go of his entitlement to recompense or retribution. I guess that's essentially what forgiveness is about;letting go. Letting go of one's anger, letting go of the pain, letting go of the siege mentality, letting go of the schemes of how to get back at the offender.

How exactly did he do it because letting go isn't always easy? Especially in the face of real injustices, real cases of wrong-doing, it can be terribly difficult. Letting go represents the best option when the damage already done is of inestimable hurt and no amount of compensation, financial or non-financial can make up for it. Isn't that where we find ourselves as a nation and also in our inter-personal relations? How can we address decade-long injustices of incomparable hurt and damage? How can a land resettlement or a leader coming to power make up for years of real or perceived ethnic marginalization? How can a gift or written apology make up for years of indifference and failure to acknowledge culpability or wrong-doing?

Good as they may be, they can sometimes fall short of achieving total reconciliation. Forgiveness, in my view, hits the highest notes when it comes to singing the song of total reconciliation. Forgiveness is the ultimate act of grace and mercy, as one extends kindness and love to someone who may not deserve it  and is no position to compensate for their past unjust actions. Forgiveness will go a long way in ending tribalism in our country, it will go a long way in ending family feuds, ending decade-long bitterness between former friends among others.

Pray, tell me, what good is nursing a siege mentality against a tribe or another person doing you? Does it keep you smiling to the bank even after KRA have taken their monthly dues? Has it taken your GPA to unparalleled heights? Has it gotten your deals better than those ones of Black Friday? Has it given you mystical powers to wake up late and beat the traffic? Has it enabled your car to be service-free for years?

Is being prejudiced against someone and getting your friends to do the same doing you the world of good? Does it ensure the baby is as silent as a graveyard during the night while your friends take turns in their homes to  soothe baby at 3 am? Does it plaster over the pain of continually saying, "Next season" or, "Wenger Out" ? Does it get rid of bedbugs? Does it nullify the pain of menstrual cramps? Does it enable you to maintain your waistline despite consuming fries and ice cream galore while your friends do cross fit, slim possible and still gain weight?

I can tell you for free, it has done me nothing. Absolutely nothing. If anything, it has actually held me back. All the while I have had a siege mentality, I have enjoyed no special immunity to life's punches. Unforgiveness has been anything but rewarding. I have tarmacked, I have been broke, I have had a back problem for almost 2 years, I have  had no-one to call bae for far, far longer than that, I have witnessed Manutd finish sixth and worse, finish below Arsenal. I have even seen my hair turn grey. Anger, siege mentality, unforgiveness didn't help me one bit.

Is that state of mind really worth the hype? I doubt Esau thought it did and that could explain why he let go and the ensuing transformation occurred. I doubt Jacob's own son, Joseph, thought the same and chose to pardon not one but his other 10 brothers.

"Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you." (Colossians 3:13) That's an imperative given to christians that perhaps me and you ought to take to heed of.  I do not dispute the facts, Pogroms have occurred. so has ethnic profiling even at the workplace. People have been violently displaced from their land, siblings have been used as sponsors, women have been raped and sexually harassed too many times to even count, people have been stabbed in the back and much more at the hands of their offenders. Forgive, It may be more than a mouthful to accept and I don't blame you. But, if you consider that Christ forgave you for far worse than the above, it's not exactly mission impossible.

The Son of God, the firstborn of all creation and  utterly flawless should have been given more than a heroe's welcome when he resided on earth. Instead, he lived a homeless life shorn of a lot of basic comforts. Instead of being identified as the Prince of Peace, he was humiliatingly called Beelzebub, the Prince of demons. After rendering the incredible service of teaching paradigm-shifting principles, healing the sick, providing food for some, resurrecting a few,  a good number thought crucifixion was a just payment for his sacrificial service.

Despite being found guilty of nothing, He was nailed to a cross for crimes he never committed and suffered a painful death. Who killed him? Believe it or not, it was me, you and every other human being who ever has lived and who will live. How? For all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God(Romans 3:23). The wages of that sin is death. We were supposed to die because of sin but God loved us too much to let that happen. Instead he sent Jesus, who lovingly chose to take the fall for us and have all the wrath of God fall on him on the cross. Our sins and iniquities nailed him on that cross as he willingly accepted to endure the wrath of God on our behalf.

Certainly that was the greatest injustice in history for Jesus did not deserve to die in such an excruciating and humiliating manner. Neither did we deserve to be spared and given a short at life. Yet God faced  that fact and let go. Not only were we forgiven by the very same one we murdered, he extended his hand of grace with the ridiculous offer of eternal life to all who would accept him, believe him and put their trust in him. If he could forgive us for that, so can we forgive each other as tribes, as feuding family members, as former friends, and like Esau and Jacob experience the joy of brotherhood and dispel the bro-kenness of unforgiveness that has held us back for so long.

Anger and hate are two very destructive emotions. They are also extremely over-hyped and counter-productive. James observes this when he says in James 1: 19-20, "My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick  to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. For man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires."

Whereas peace, harmony are two constructive states of being that are greatly under-rated. They will forever remain illusory to those who persist in nursing a siege mentality against a brother, a sister, an ethnic group, a gender, a former lover. Don't let hate consume you, don't let pent-up anger rule you. People mess up, some big time. It's life. Let go. Don't late their actions hold you captive. Free yourself from the enslavement of their wrong-doing by letting go. Contrary to what you may believe, you're not weak for doing it, you're just sensible enough to realize there is more to life than holding a grudge against someone. There is more to being right. There is more to maintaining a vengeful antagonism towards something or someone. That more, is there for all and sundry who will let go.

 Life is too short to waste on bitterness, and nursing a grudge doesn't add a day to your life. I would argue it does the opposite and beyond that, it takes a couple. As a nation, as a people, letting go of the hostilities will do us the world of good. Look what it did to Esau, it could do the same for us, if we gave it a go. Christ certainly showed us how to, and by God's grace we can follow his example.